i think i'm not inlove with another person. no! that is not the right way to say it, but i am definitely not inlove with someone else. i'm just pretending to like him to get over with the other one. i did not use him infact he used me, and that's another story.
i realized that i still have the same feeling for him but not that as intimate as before. i am certainly avoiding him.
yesterday we texted a little and i was mean to him, but i could not care less. i told him some bad things cause i really want to let go from this feeling i've been clinging to. the more i stay on his side, the more i get hurt because there is no reason for me to stay. no reason! i would just make this harder for me.
here's how we came to text one another again:
Him: hi musta na?
Me: hu u po?
Him: ay binura na number ko
Me: cno nga po toh?
Him: ***
Me: o bkt na naman?!
Him: wla lng po, nangamusta lng, kya lng knalimutan m nko eh..
Me: ah slamat sa pangangamusta bt i told u n ayaw q n di b. Give up n q so please let me mve on. Ayaw q n sau!!
Him: alm k naman un, msama b mging friends tau?
Me: ayaw q n nga di b. Ayaw q mgkaron ng kaibigan n cnuwaling.
Him: bkt para sau ngcnuwaling ako? Ndi naman po ah
Me: yeah ryt. Whatever. Kip ur excuses 2 urself. Alam mo kakarmahin k rn s mga ginagwa mo. Mtakot k nman. Kht tinutukso tau sa classrum q, ndi aq natutuwa, infact naiinis aq. Ntatwa n lang aq dhl ayaw ktang mapahiya dhl un ang kinakatakutan mo di. May consideration kc aq s mraramdaman ng iba kht p ginago nya q.
Him: wow... Tnx! tnx sa ndi m pgpapahya skin or wat, bt if ung satin un iniicp m, ndi k naman tnangi un ah, at ndi me nglie.. If upto nw ure angry w/me, am sOry
Me: yeah ryt? U sorry? Maybe. But u wouldnt change at all. Pg pinanganak nang manloloko ang isang tao ndi n tlga mgbabago. Sna ndi k mging 2lad ng tatay mo. Pgdasal mo yan ah sna aftr grad mo mkapgbago k n in a POSITIVE WAY. Please lng ah!!! U knw wat open ur mind and heart nga para mlaman mo bkt aq naiinis ng ganito. Sbi q di n q iiyak dhl lng sau bu i cant help it.. *sigh. Putang inang buhay!
Him: yes i wil! Dnt wory
-end of conversation-
why does this have to be this way? i wanted to cry but it's not worth it. i miss him so much. the bonding that we had when we were still calling each other "big bro" and "baby sis". the short intimacy moments we had. i miss the simple nice texts we had and the late night calls we spend together. i miss it all. damn! why does this have to be this way?
*sigh*
him so much that i even forgot who i really was. i don't want to fight this feeling that i hold on becuase i know that i will only suffer if i continue. i finally open my eyes to the reality that he was not meant for me.
